Crushes, dates, and love, do not evade anyone. While dating in itself is a one-of-a-kind experience, the feeling is no different if the person you’re going out with, is someone who has Asperger’s syndrome. All you have to do is read this HealthHearty post for some essential pointers, and you’re good to go.
A person with autism lives in his own world, while a person with Asperger’s lives in our world, in a way of his own choosing.
― Nicholas Sparks
A person diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome lacks the ability to communicate and socialize with others, exhibiting repeated display of certain traits and behavior. This syndrome is also known as Asperger disorder, and is grouped under the autism spectrum of disorders. People with Asperger’s find it difficult to engage in a dialog or continuous conversation.
The exact reason and cure for Asperger’s has not been found as yet. But early detection can aid in developing an affected individual’s social skills before he/she reaches adolescence. Hence, if you are dating a person with this disorder, you need to choose a different approach of interaction. The overall dating experience is no rocket science if you understand his condition and are willingly to work things out. Let’s get to know some of the most essential tips you need to either make a note of, or steer clear when your love interest has Asperger’s.
Understand His Condition
One cannot tell whether a person is autistic or not from his outward appearance. If you are not aware about what the syndrome really is, the chances of you misinterpreting his actions and expressions increases manifold. Refer to the works written by medical professionals and even aspies themselves, to get a better understanding of what he is possibly going through, and what relations mean to him.
Take Things Slowly
It is essential that you take your own time when you’re dating a person with Asperger’s syndrome. Continue your relation at an extremely slow pace if need be, since it will take a considerable amount of time for him to get used to your presence. Do not be shocked if he flinches at your slightest touch. Do not force him to do anything against his wishes.
Prefer Meeting Him in Person
People with this syndrome are almost always uncomfortable with meeting anyone, solely because of their weak social understanding. They usually prefer interaction via emails or any social networking site. But in order to date him, you need to ascertain that he is comfortable with you.
Make sure that you are his friend first, and try to get to know him better, by hanging out with him instead of chatting online or exchanging text messages, making him feel more comfortable around you.
Treat Him Like Everyone Else
Make sure you do not pity him or treat him differently because of his disorder. Studies show that, people with Asperger’s often show average and above-average intellect, so even if he might not be able to express it, he will not fail to comprehend when you take pity on him, and often treat him in the same way.
Communicate in Short and Precise Sentences
He will not understand elaborate gestures or the tone of your voice. Complex phrases may often go unnoticed; however, there are instances when he might resort to explanations involving complicated words, but more often than not he may not be completely aware of what he exactly means. Be more specific and direct when engaged in a conversation; using sarcasm, humor (as we know it), and metaphors will only seem like a labyrinth for him.
Avoid Double Dates
Once he’s comfortable being with you, try to spend as much time together, as possible. He will be wary of strangers, so try to avoid going on double dates or make plans in groups; this will only make him go back into shell. Chances are, he will altogether avoid meeting you in future. If you cannot avoid such plans, do make it point and ask him in advance whether or not he will be comfortable meeting people you’re making plans with. Whatever his opinion, take his word and respect his feelings.
Keep Your Expectations in Check
Now, he is definitely not going to read your subtle hints, indicating your anger, love, and any kind of affection. He does care for you, he does like you, but he often will not register what is exactly going on in your head just by looking at you. Giving him a cold shoulder will make matters worse, and he will end up getting confused and flustered. So, if you want something from him, convey the same without being blunt about it.
It is certainly not difficult to be with someone who has Asperger’s, a little more understanding and patience will go a long way. After all, it all comes down to the fact whether you want to be with him or not, the rest will follow.